jasper-rolls:

captainsnoop:

one of my favorite things to do for my own amusement is to try to emulate the speech patterns of Reggie Fils-Aime because his way of speaking is so peculiar

he always enunciates very clearly, his choice of words is always really simple so that even children can understand what he’s talking about, he sprinkles his speech with carefully selected marketing jargon, and he uses contractions to seem like he’s trying to be casual

let’s say that you get caught cheating in Splatoon 2 and Reggie comes to your house to destroy your console with a baseball bat. he knocks at the door, you answer, and he says:

“Hello there. With the release of our latest game in the Splatoon series, Splatoon 2, we here at Nintendo have been incredibly pleased with the amount of fun our players have been having. It seems, though, that some players have been having more fun than others. Please, step out of the way.”

Reggie readies his baseball bat and walks past you, shoving you of of the way with his body while maintaining perfect posture.

“I’m going to demonstrate to you the innovating new punitive measures we at Nintendo have come up with to ensure a safe, fun, friendly environment of play. You deserve this.”

Reggie sends his baseball bat crashing through your Nintendo switch, shattering the screen and sending it flying across the room. The whole while, Reggie never breaks eye contact with you and he never stops smiling.

The baseball bat flies through your television next, knocking it to the floor. Reggie steps on top of it, turns around to face you, and continues:

“Thank you for your loyal support of Nintendo’s family of products. We hope this experience has been valuable to you.”