1. CERBERUS: a literal dog. he eats satyr sacks, he will eat literally anything you give him. would eat any rat he saw if he has the energy to go chase it.

2. ALECTO: really likes to tear into rats with her sharp sharp teeth just to make them explode with blood, like juice pouches. thinks it’s fun.

3. TISIPHONE: for her monthly meal, she either eats a puddle of stagnant water or a very skinny, sickly rat. she makes the rat eat a bug before she eats it so she is eating a Murderer.

4. DUSA: snakes eat rats. her hair is made of snakes. her hair eats rats. i don’t know where the rats go. i’m not about to ask because i think she would be very embarrassed. but she does, in some fashion, ingest rats. and good for her.

5. THESEUS: if zag challenged him to a rat-eating contest, he would eagerly go to town on a whole platter of rats in order to PROVE that he is SUPERIOR to that SMALL-STOMACHED, DELICATELY-CONSTITUTIONED HELLSPAWN!

6. ASTERIUS: probably ate some rats in between the athenian youths and maidens back when he was alive. doesn’t really see much wrong with it, it’s food, but he’d prefer to eat something better nowadays.

7. ZAGREUS: is a little prince boy with a fancy bedchamber, but is also a rowdy little dogboy. and if your health is low in the satyr tunnels and none of the jars have gyros in them… you gotta do what you gotta do.

8. HYPNOS: i feel that if you boiled the rat in sleepytime tea, warm milk, or nyquil and then put some rainbow sprinkles on it, he’d cut into it with a little knife and fork for a delightful snack. but it would require those garnishings.

9. THANATOS: what? what the fuck? you want him to… what? absolutely not. are you kidding him. wait. you say… zagreus needs him to eat this rat? eating this rat would help zagreus? well… okay. but don’t tell anybody about this, you understand?

10. CHARON: if you put a rat in his mouth and pushed it a little it’d go down his… throat? does he have a throat? or tissues at all? maybe it’d be like the skeletons drinking wine in the pirates of the caribbean ride. the point is, he’d be fine with it, but he wouldn’t actively seek them out.

11. MEGAERA: would absolutely never eat a rat, but i feel that if you’re very good at daring people, you could maybe dare her to grudgingly eat a rat. but she will literally kill you if you tell anyone. and she will follow through.

12. ACHILLES: in his impetuous, hotheaded youth he would have been easy to dare into eating a rat. but he is long past that now. he has grown. he would caution you against eating a rat, lad.

13. HADES: would NEVER eat a rat. such disgusting meals are beneath him. OH NO ZAGREUS PUT A RAT IN HIS MOUTH DURING THE FINAL BOSS FIGHT OH NO

14. PATROCLUS: in his youth he would have been restraining achilles from eating the rats he was dared to eat. but now he is too sad to eat anything, much less rats. eating… he used to do that… with his husband… but those days are long gone, now… (bitter sigh)

15. PERSEPHONE: she has an acre of beautiful vegetables and a garden full of pomegranates. she has much better things to eat than rats. also, i’m pretty sure she’s vegan. do you want a vegan alternative to rat meat?

16. NYX: are you fucking kidding me? nyx would not eat a rat. she’s above that. nyx only eats starlight. nyx would NEVER eat a rat. by the way nyx if you are free for dinner on thursday i am free for dinner (not rats) on any day of the week including thursday if you are free